29th September in this year of Covid, lockdowns and vaccinations.

It was a cold, windy and rainy day – which was surprising, as my late Mother always said the sun shines on Yom Tov when the Jews have to walk to shul.

Service over and we all trooped into our lovely, newly refurbished, Daniel Rose Hall  for a fabulous luncheon  provided by the Ladies Guild and Social Circle.

Usually speeches can induce stifled yawns and a sea of glazed eyes, but Neville Harris, our Chatan Torah and David Lawton, our Chatan Bereishit enthralled us with a couple of inspiring, interesting and emotional speeches, and as Simon Cowell would have said “I didn’t like it – I LOVED it !”  That’s 4 Yesses then !

And then ………

The news everyone was hoping for   ….

The Boys are Back !

St. Anne’s own geriatric heartthrob boy band, The Alte Machers, were here once again after hours of blood, sweat and tears in rehearsals, with a professional and slick performance.

(errm insert laugh out loud emoji at this point)

The audience were reminded, they’re not Tom Jones – ladies please restrain yourselves from screaming and, oh, Rabbi Danny and the management frown upon underwear being thrown onto the stage too.

(At this point, there was a slight technical hitch, when the stars of the show kept the audience waiting.  Stage Fright ?  No, ‘course not, just that they’re not as nifty at getting changed as they once were.  Fortunately, the audience were too polite to break into ‘why are we waiting’)

Then ….onto the stage ambled our President, Robert Pinkus, along with Michael Frankel and Spencer Berd.

I anticipated your disappointment, dear reader, if you didn’t attend this star studded event, and so I managed to get hold of a secretly recorded video of the dress rehearsal. 

Click below :

 

If you want more after sitting through the video (or indeed if the hearing aids failed and you didn’t hear it all) – read on for the song sheets :

My Favourite Things – Trio

Rennies and nose drops and needles for knitting,
Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings,
Bundles of magazines tied up in string,
These are a few of my favourite things.

 

Zimmers and cataracts and, get our bus passes,
Poligrip and Fixodent and false teeth in glasses,
Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings,
These are a few of my favourite things.

 

When the pipes leak, When the bones creak,
When the knees go bad,
I simply remember my favourite things,
And then I don’t feel so bad.

 

Hot tea and crumpets, and corn pads for bunions,
No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions,
Bathrobes and heat pads and hot meals they bring,
These are a few of my favourite things.

 

When the joints ache, when the hips break,
When the eyes grow dim,
Then I remember the great life I’ve had,
And then I don’t feel so bad.

 

Sunrise, Sunset – Spencer Solo 

Is this the shul that I pray in

Is this the little boy grown up?

I don’t remember growing older
When did 1?

When did I get to find religion
When did it grow into my soul ?

Wasn’t it yesterday when I was young?

 

Sunrise, sunset
Sunrise, sunset
Swiftly flow the days
Young man turns up for every minyan
Kvelling even as he prays

 

What words of wisdom can I give you
How can I help to ease your way?

Now you must learn from our dear rabbi
Day by day.

Our lovely shul makes you carefree

Continuing the family tree

Is there an Aliyah in store for me?

Sunrise, sunset
Sunrise, sunset
Swiftly fly the years
One simcha following another
Laden with happiness and tears

Sunrise, sunset
Sunrise, sunset
Swiftly grows the spread
One kiddush following another
Laden with sandwiches and bread

 

DO YOU LOVE ME – Robert and Michael 

Robert :   Michael – Do you love me?

Mike
Do I love you?
For twenty-five years I’ve come to shul
Worn my tallis and bowed my head.
After twenty-five years, why talk about love right now?

Robert
The first time I met you
Was at the Shabbos kiddush
– I was scared

Mike
I was shy

Robert :
I was nervous

Mike
So was I

Robert :
But our Rabbis Danny and Ephraim
Said we’d learn to daven together
And now I’m asking, Michael
– Do you love me?

Mike
I attend when I must

Robert
“I know…”
– But do you love me?

Mike
Do I love him?
For twenty-five years I’ve davened with him
Fought with him, argued with him
Twenty-five years my shul is his
If that’s not love, what is?

Robert
Then you love me?

Mike
I suppose I do

Robert
And I suppose I love you too

It doesn’t change a thing
But even so
– After twenty-five years 
It’s nice to know.

 

TO LIFE – Trio

To life, to life, l’chai-im,!
L’chai-im, l’chai-im, to life!
Life has a way of confusing us
Blessing and bruising us,
Drink l’chaim, to life,

To us and our good fortune
Be happy be healthy, long life!
And if our good fortune never comes
Here’s to whatever comes,
Drink l’chaim, to life!

 

TRADITION – Trio – intro spoken by Robert

Fiddling the shul. Sounds crazy, no?
But in our little shul in Lytham St. Anne’s,
you might say every one of us is a fiddler at some point,
trying to scratch out a living,
Without breaking his neck. It isn’t easy.
You may ask, why do we stay as members ?
We stay because the shul is our home…
And how do we keep the accounts in balance?
That I can tell you in one word… Tradition.”

Who, day and night, must scramble for a living,
Feed a wife and children, say his daily prayers?
And who has the right, as master of the house,
To have the final word at home?

The papas, the papas! Tradition.
The papas, the papas! Tradition.

 

 Robert Monologue – Intro to Michael ‘If I was a Rich Man’

Reb Michael – you know I like and admire you !  It’s with a heavy heart that I have to deliver some news to you and your friends.

I know you’ve been here many many years, and have felt like it’s home, and I too feel like you made yourself at home.

The news is not good.

Ian the Treasurer has been forced to split on you and admit that your shul fees remain unpaid.

I know he’s your friend, but be assured he didn’t give out the information lightly.  He was tortured by Howard until he spilled the beans.

The shul has bills to pay, a Rabbi to keep in the manner he wants to be accustomed to, a Ladies Guild to keep supplied, and we cannot subsidise poor men like you.

The council’s policy is [burst into song] extradition, extradition, extradition.

You must leave the shul [dramatic statement and point to the door]

IF I WERE A RICH MAN – Michael Solo + All in Choruses

ALL

If I were a rich man,
Yubby dibby dibby dibby dibby dibby dibby dum.
All day long I’d biddy biddy bum.
If I were a wealthy man.
I wouldn’t have to work hard.
Yubby dibby dibby dibby dibby dibby dibby dum.
If I were a biddy biddy rich,
Yidle-deedle-deidle-deidle man.

I’d see my wife, my Susan, looking like a rich man’s wife
With a proper double-chin.
Supervising meals to her heart’s delight.
I see her putting on airs and strutting like a peacock.
Oy, what a happy mood she’s in.
Gossiping with her friends, day and night.

ALL

If I were a rich man,
Yubby dibby dibby dibby dibby dibby dibby dum.
All day long I’d biddy biddy bum.
If I were a wealthy man.
I wouldn’t have to work hard.
Yubby dibby dibby dibby dibby dibby dibby dum..

MICHAEL SPEAKING

Lord, who made the lion and the lamb
You who decreed I should be what I am
Would it spoil some vast eternal plan?
If I were a wealthy man!!!!

 

FINALE – TRIO.  SUNRISE SUNSET CHORUS

Sunrise, sunset
Sunrise, sunset
Swiftly fly the years
One simcha following another
Laden with happiness and tears

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