Vayechi

Ethics of the Fathers teaches us “Who is rich? He who is happy with his lot”
How many of us truly live up to this dictum? Are there not times in our lives when we think to ourselves (or share with a loved one) “If only my life would be different …”.

The statement in Ethics of the Fathers makes no exceptions to the rule and when life gets tough (and it does for all of us at some point) then experiencing joy with what we have can be a real challenge.

We find Jacob at the end of Parshat Vayigash experiences this very dilemma: But first a brief preamble on the story.
The twelve tribes are finally united and reconciled. The Israelite clan of 70 have descended to Egypt, They have been given the most fertile land in the Delta Nile which is the best area to pasture their flocks and is also a way of keeping the Israelites separated to a degree from the surrounding pagan Egyptian culture.

As Joseph was the viceroy of Egypt second only to Pharaoh himself and having literally saved the entire region from starvation we can appreciate that Pharaoh would wish to honour Joseph’s father. And so Jacob is summoned to Pharoah. Below are the two verses recording the exchange between Pharaoh and Jacob:

The response of Jacob is very difficult to understand. True he lived a very difficult life- early in his life his brother Esau sought to kill him, he then was deceived by his father in law Lavan who also wished to spiritually destroy the family and then the loss of Joseph for 22 years not to mention the abduction and violation of Dinah his only daughter.

But despite all this surely this was a moment to reflect to Pharoah how despite all his struggles life was good. His family were all together and they were beginning a new chapter of spiritual and material growth.

The Rabbis of the Midrash pick up on Jacob’s negativity and critique him. In a fascinating comment the Midrash states that for every word uttered by Jacob his life was shortened.
Jacob was supposed to have lived to the age of Isaac his father who died at 180. Instead he lived until the age of 147- 33 years short.

Many years ago I heard a lecture by Rabbi Tatz (a South African Rabbi who now lives in London and lectures internationally). He asked a simple question. If you count the number of words spoken by Jacob even including the introduction of “And Jacob said to Pharaoh”-  they add up to only 25?! Where did the Midrash get 33 years from?

The answer is also simple yet contains incredible depth. Jacob lost a year of his life not only for every word he uttered to Pharaoh but also for every word uttered by Pharaoh who in the previous verse asked him his age! How can Jacob be held accountable for the words of Pharaoh?
Rabbi Tatz explained as follows:
When Jacob came into Pharaoh’s presence the sadness and heaviness of his life was expressed on his facial expression.  The creases of suffering were permanently engraved on his face so to speak. This created a negative atmosphere that triggered the question from Pharoah. A person who views their life joyously accepting their lot lives “lightly”. Perhaps Jacob due to his traumas looked a lot more elderly than his true age.

The Torah is teaching us that even Jacob our forefather struggled (on his level) to always maintain a joyous “simchadik” disposition.

Sometimes life’s traumas are too difficult for us to reframe in the way described by Ethics of the fathers.
Rabbi Nachman of Breslav (1772-1810 Ukraine the great grandson of the Baal Shem Tov) emphasised in his teachings the importance of Simcha- Joy at all times and the avoidance of despair. Despair is seen by the Chassidic masters as the opposite of Hope borne of faith.
Despair may not be a sin itself but its toxic nature leads to sin as a person who has given up hope can be led to all sorts of negative behaviour.

He would teach that sometimes when times are difficult and we are teetering on despair we must create external happiness – dancing and singing and the like- in order to force our internal state into one of Joy.

Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks spoke of his encounter with the Lubavitcher Rebbe in the 1960’s when he went on a tour of America to ask religious/theological questions of the greatest Rabbis of the day.  When in the Rebbe’s presence, Rabbi Sacks was taken by surprise as the Rebbe made a role reversal asking questions to him; ” How many Jewish students are in Cambridge? How many get involved in Jewish life? What are you doing to bring other people in?”
Rabbi Sacks fondly recalls
“So I started the sentence, “In the situation in which I find myself…” – and the Rebbe did something which I think was quite unusual for him, he actually stopped me in mid-sentence. He says, “Nobody finds themselves in a situation; you put yourself in a situation. And if you put yourself in that situation, you can put yourself in another situation.”That moment changed my life.”

I think this attitude applies especially to our state of happiness.
How we filter and perceive reality has a direct impact on our emotional health.
The thing is we cant just switch this on and off. Happiness is like a muscle that needs training.

For me the greatest training tool our Jewish tradition has given us for developing true Joy is through the regular regimen of Teffilah- Prayer. Prayer is abound with statements of gratitude and acknowledgement that everything we have from the air we breath to our  intellects and material possessions comes from Hashem.

To pray each day is to acknowledge our Source of being and when we are connected to our infinite source we can live and breathe every moment with a deeper meaning and purpose.

So sometimes instead of praying for our “lot” to change, our prayer changes us to see reality from a perspective of Joy.
This is the deeper meaning of being happy with our lot.