Rabbi’s Corner
In Vayigash the epic saga of Joseph and the brothers comes to a climax. Yehudah confronts Joseph with one of the most extraordinary speeches recorded in Tanach .Note that most dialogue in tanach is recorded in pithy statements. Yehudah’s dialogue in contrast is the longest speech in the book of Genesis – 17 verses !.
Yehudah’s speech is carefully crafted for maximum impact to appeals for mercy from Joseph. The two main components being 1) that Yehudah would take Binyamin’s place 2) building a vivid picture of an innocent father (Jacob) brought to his grave in inconsolable grief having lost both his sons (from Rachel).
Ultimately the speech triggers Joseph to reveal himself to the brothers with one of the most emotionally charged words in all Tanach: “I am Joseph is my father alive?”
The brothers are initially shocked, stunned into silence. Their guilt over selling Joseph is laid bare in front of them. There is nowhere to hide.
At this point one would expect Joseph to speak harshly to the brothers over their mistreatment of him.
They had sold their brother into slavery! In the ancient world and for millennia after to be a slave was not only a life sentence of misery of losing ones power of agency. It was a status that would be passed from generation to generation.
Yet Joseph expresses no anger and shows no resentment. Instead, Joseph wants to quickly move to reconciliation
Where does he get the strength for this reaction? The answer is provided in the Torah.
Three times in the initial reuniting of the brothers, Joseph emphasises how God’s hand brought these circumstances about:
1) But now do not be sad, and let it not trouble you that you sold me here, for it was to preserve life that God sent me before you 44:5
2) And God sent me before you to make for you a remnant in the land, and to preserve [it] for you for a great deliverance. 44:7
3) And now, you did not send me here, but God, and He made me a father to Pharaoh, a lord over all his household, and a ruler over the entire land of Egypt. 44:8
Each of the above verses focuses on a different aspect of his Divine mission.
In Verse 5 Joseph points out that God brought about his deliverance from slavery to be generally save and preserve life. This is Josephs role on the global platform
Verse 7 focuses on his role in relation to the brothers. Their plan to destroy Joseph brought about the greater goal that Hashem had that the fledgling Jewish family be saved from the famine sweeping through Mesopotamia.
Verse 8 focusses on Joseph’s personal rise to prominence and power.
The Torah is teaching us a profound lesson. If someone hurts you, then we must realise that ultimately this is part of Hashem’s plan for our soul journey in this world. Of course, the perpetrator is responsible as they have free will. They are answerable to God and sometimes also in our earthly world via the justice system. Joseph does not just forgive the brothers. He shows them how he lives with the conviction that all comes from Hashem and is ultimately for the good.
With this attitude we become free of anger and resent that can linger long after being offended.
Resentment can overwhelm a person’s emotional health and wellbeing and even affect physical health.
See here for a list of the terrible consequences of living with resent over many years.
We become entrapped and enslaved by bitterness and resent when we do not bring God into the picture.
Once we realise that everything that happens to us is needed for our spiritual development, then we can move beyond resent. This does not mean we just accept negative behaviour.
What it does mean is that we can use challenging situations as opportunities for a spiritual stock taking.
Next time someone upsets you and you feel resent of course speaking to the person and communicating your hurt is the first stage in rebuilding the relationship.
Rambam codifies this as Jewish law
“When one person wrongs another, the latter should not remain silent and despise him as [II Samuel 13:22] states concerning the wicked: “And Avshalom did not speak to Amnon neither good, nor bad for Avshalom hated Amnon.”
Rather, he is commanded to make the matter known and ask him: “Why did you do this to me?”, “Why did you wrong me regarding that matter?” as [Leviticus 19:17] states: “You shall surely admonish your colleague.”
If, afterwards, [the person who committed the wrong] asks [his colleague] to forgive him, he must do so. A person should not be cruel when forgiving [as implied by Genesis 20:17]: “And Abraham prayed to God…” (i.e. when God was destroying Sodom etc)”
But what do we do when feelings of resent and bitterness follow us despite observing the above? This is lesson Joseph teaches us. If we think about Hashem in the correct way and understand that we are not the controllers of our life, that God has a masterplan for each of us. This very attitude will dissolve toxic feelings of hatred and the like that do as much harm to ourselves as others.
We can then live lives where we are totally free of negativity that drags us down, where we are no longer internally enslaved to destructive emotions. This is the free life Hashem wants each of us to live so that we can fulfil our true potentials.
A final point:
We read by the end of Parshat Vayigash of the 70 souls of Jacob’s family who descend to Egypt which marks the final preparation of God’s plan (to Abraham at the covenant of the parts) for the Israelites to endure a period of slavery in a strange land. This connection to the message from Joseph to the brothers is profound and can be summarised as follows: ~” Whilst the brothers and the Jewish family were unable to control the physical external situation of slavery that was imminently coming upon them, Joseph at the start of the Parsha teaches them that they can always control our inner thoughts and attitudes which in turn govern our emotions.
Indeed, this was exactly how Joseph survived his ordeal as slave to Potiphar in an alien and promiscuous environment as well as his time in prison.
Shabbat Shalom