What lies behind Anger?
Most of us get angry at sometime or another. Sometimes our anger can be over what appears to be legitimate reasons – someone close to us who we trust and rely on lets us down. And sometimes a person explodes with anger over seemingly trivial reasons. Sometimes we can get angry for no apparent reason which surprises even ourselves.
There are many ways we can express the anger ranging from constructive to destructive but how many of us stop to introspect and ask why we are getting angry in the first place?
Psychologists today often explain how anger is a secondary emotion.
In other words, we are prone to resort to anger in order to protect ourselves from or cover up other more vulnerable feelings that we (or subconsciously) feel threatens our very identity. A primary feeling is what is felt immediately before we feel anger. We almost always feel something else first before we get angry. But the transformation of a primary emotion to secondary one can occur so fast that it is easy to dismiss it.
In Parshat Chukat the Torah details the narrative of Moshe bringing forth water from the rock. God had commanded Moshe to speak to the rock and Moshe had instead hit the rock.
The water eventually gushes forth but God considers Moshes actions as a sin which is met with the harshest of consequences – he cannot enter the promised land to which he is leading his flock.
There are many explanations given by different Biblical commentators as to the exact nature of Moshe’s sin.
(see here https://www.chabad.org/
Maimonides (1138-1204 Spain/Egypt/Israel) explains the sin as Moshe getting angry with the people who had justifiably requested water in the desert. His opening remarks to the people “Listen now you rebels” is expressive of his anger and outrage towards the people.
But what was behind Moshe’s anger? The Torah is silent on this.
Perhaps we could say that Moshe felt vulnerable at the time the people made the request for water. Although their request was legitimate Moshe mistook it for a lack of faith and trust in God’s providence and power. After a pattern had emerged over the 40 years in the desert where the people had fallen: sin of the golden calf. the sin of the spies, complaining about the Manna, lusting for meat and so on.
This mistake was motivated by a sense that he had failed as leader to nourish them with faith. Moshe is known as “shepherd of faith”. Instead of addressing the primary emotion which was his pain at his perceived failing and frustration at what he felt was a spiritual disconnect with his people, he lashed out at the people.
We see from Maimonides perspective of the sin just how destructive anger can be. Moshes great concern was that despite all his spiritual guidance they were still not prepared to enter the land and yet it was his anger that prevented his own entry to the land. The great irony was that it would be the people who entered the land but without their leader.
Message:
Next time we get angry at a loved one (anger most often expresses itself with those we love the most) lets pause and reflect to see if we can identity the primary emotion. Because if we can then we have the opportunity to heal ourselves and mend our relationships. Instead of expressing anger which is so toxic and destructive to our relationships we can identify the pain we feel at our core. Then instead of alienating ourselves (saying “leave me alone I don’t want or need you” etc) from those we love most and who love us we can become even closer (by saying “I am in pain and actually really need you can we discuss a way to build a deeper connection” etc).
Shabbat Shalom
I enjoyed the Rabbi’s Dvar Torah on anger very much… Who is Glen Berd plese?
Gwendoline, I’m the website administrator.
This week’s parasha Chukat challenges us in a way other parashot don’t. Here Moses appears to lose control for which he is punished by being excluded from his life’s reward: to step foot in the Promised Land. Yes, we are all dispensable, as we have seen over the last few days on the political front, but sometimes the punishment does not “fit the crime”! What about Aaron’s sin, far worse than Moses’. It is true he lost two of his sons, and that might be regarded as punishment enough, but idolatry is surely far more of a grave sin that pique or hubris. We cannot know the mind of G-d, but that should not stop us arguing about the nature of divine justice: there is a legitimate conversation here.